


Livin' La Vida Loca

by jadore_hale, stomachaches



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Baseball Player Derek, Baseball Player Stiles Stilinski, Fake/Pretend Relationship, M/M, Pool Boy Stiles, Rich Derek Hale, Summer Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-02
Updated: 2016-08-02
Packaged: 2018-07-28 20:23:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7655467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jadore_hale/pseuds/jadore_hale, https://archiveofourown.org/users/stomachaches/pseuds/stomachaches
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I’m going to miss Lorenzo and his glass eye,” Cora said morosely.</p><p>"I will too, sweetie.” Talia smoothed a hand over her hair. “But I’ve already put an ad out in the paper for someone new.”</p><p>“The paper?!” Derek looked at his mother as if she had two heads. “You’re just going to hire any old stranger that responds to a newspaper ad. Printed medium advertising is dead. It’s been massacred by the digital information age where every woman, man, and child has access to an internet press. If we needed new staff, we could’ve gotten them through a reputable employment agency that only screens candidates with impressive CVs and a minimum two years’ experience!”</p><p>“Oh, Derek, honey,” Talia sighed. “…JAR!”</p><p>-----</p><p>Or the one where Stiles answers a newspaper ad to be the Hale family's new pool boy and has a hell of a summer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Livin' La Vida Loca

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Sterek Shelter's Sterek Summer Spectacle.

Nothing good ever came of a parental figure leaning against the doorframe to his son’s bedroom, Stiles decided.

The only problem was that his dad was doing just that. Has been doing it for the past two and a half minutes, to be exact, awkwardly hovering in a way that suggested he both really wanted to talk about whatever was on his mind and also avoid it at all costs.

Which was a shame, really. The school year had officially ended a little over a week ago and the only thing Stiles wanted to use his remaining brain cells for was shooting weird alien-like creatures on the old TV his dad let him keep after he’d bought himself a new one. He definitely didn’t have enough left for whatever ‘Big Emotional Talk’ his dad was most likely preparing himself for.

Finally, his dad took a step inside and cleared his throat. “Hey, son.”

Stiles glanced up for a moment and _nope._ His dad was holding what looked like way too many pieces of paper in his hand and considering how old-fashioned he was, Stiles bet half the pizza he just ordered that those were college brochures – which, no. He was not dealing with those for at least another month, he thought, as he threw himself back into the game.

“Hey dad,” he replied, not taking his eyes off the screen for a second. _Do not show weakness._ “How was work?” he asked, aiming for casual.

His dad didn’t reply and waited a few seconds before he spoke again. “Was Scott over today too?”

“Um, yeah. He left like an hour ago.”

“Date with Allison?” his dad asked, using his _“I can still relate to you, young folks”_ tone, which stopped working when Stiles was around twelve.

“No, dad. They’re kinda…”

Scott kinda realized he had a thing for dicks too, particularly a certain curly-haired baseball player’s dick, Allison wanted to concentrate on her archery training after she realized she might have a chance to get on the next Olympic team. They both had a freak out and a big talk and Stiles definitely didn’t get paid enough to listen to all that crap even during his summer break. He couldn’t get his hands on enough alcohol either.

“…they’re kinda not together right now.”

This time his dad’s awkward silence stretched so long Stiles actually thought he had left the room. “Oh. Since when?”

“Honestly? I’m not even sure anymore,” he muttered back. Some asshole just killed him on the game, and he waited impatiently as the new round loaded up.

“I, um,” his dad started eloquently just as his character spawned onto a new battleground. “I’ve wanted to talk to you about something for a few days now.”

 _Nope, nope, nope, never._ Stiles was _not_ ready to have the college talk, or the safe sex talk (again; not that he was getting any), or any other talk for that matter. “Can we do that during dinner or something? I’m busy,” he attempted.

His dad took a deep, long-suffering sigh. “Stiles, would you just pause that for a second?”

“I die at this part every time, dad,” he lied. “Please just give me like five minutes.”

“Pause it.”

His dad’s voice was stern this time, and Stiles knew he should just turn it off, but a small part of his brain still clung to the idea that maybe if he ignored the problem, it would just go away.

Well, that method never worked out before either, he thought as his dad marched up to the TV and turned it off in the middle of the game.

“Oh my God, dad! I’m not five! You don’t have to turn off the fuc-” he quickly caught himself before swearing, “the freaking TV! Jeez.”

His dad turned back to face him. “See, that’s exactly the problem.”

“What? That you turned my game off?”

“No, that you’re not five anymore, son. Because you really could fool anyone with how you behave,” he added.

“Very funny, dad,” Stiles shot back weakly as he attempted to stand up in vain. After hours and hours of sitting in the same position, his right leg was completely dead. The problem with remaining on the floor though was that it allowed his dad to tower over him, and Stiles already knew this technique. _I won’t fall into your trap,_ he chanted inside his head as he tried and failed to suppress a groan after moving his leg.

“We passed the point where it was funny a while ago, honestly. Now it’s tragic.”

Stiles was _insulted_. “Dad!”

His dad just threw his arms out in a gesture that said ‘look around’, and Stiles had to admit that his room did look a little pitiful. There were empty pizza boxes and candy wrappers scattered around, crumbs were littering the floor, his desk and chair were overflowing with papers and books, and he hasn’t made his bed in probably weeks, let alone changed the sheets.

It probably smelled, too. He didn’t have the habit of opening windows too frequently, and he masturbated, _a lot._

“Stiles, when was the last time you even left this room since school let out?”

He had to think for a few seconds, but then just as he opened his mouth – because he _did_ leave the room, rather often and for longer periods of time, thank you very much – his dad cut him off. “The kitchen and the bathroom don’t count.”

“I let Scott in this morning! I walked aaaaall the way down to the front door,” he defended himself.

But apparently, the wrong part caught his dad’s attention. “Speaking of Scott, does he still have that job?”

Stiles didn’t exactly know yet where this was headed, but he sure as hell didn’t like it.

“…Yes?” he squinted up at his dad.

“See, even your friends do something productive instead of lazing around all summer.” _Wow,_ that is one of the lowest blows in the history of low blows.

Stiles didn’t even know where to start. “You see, dad, I’m not sure where that plural is coming from. Friends? S? As far as I’m concerned, however awesome Scotty is, he’s still just one friend, you know? And one friend’s really not enough for this whole comparing me to others lecture you’re attempting right now,” he said and finished it off with crossing his arms in front of his chest – totally not behaving like a child, if you asked him.

“Oh, okay. Do you want the back in my time lecture instead?” his dad smiled, and Stiles hated everything and everyone.

“No, actually,” he smiled back. “The berating your only son so his friends look better lecture is so much more appealing right now. It’s lovely.”

His dad sighed once again and rubbed his temples. “I’m not-” he paused and sighed again. A two-sigh sentence never meant anything good. “Stiles, son, I um, I love you, okay? But you’re almost an adult now. You need to learn some responsibility.

Oh, no.

Stiles knew exactly what kind of talk this was.

“Dad,” he started carefully as if he was talking to a wild animal. “I’m not getting a summer job.”

“You are,” his dad stated it as something sure as if it was a fact. Stiles wanted to scream.

“Dad, no! We have to talk about this,” he tried again. “It’s a free country, right? And apparently since I’m an adult now, I have a voting right, correct?”

His dad only shook his head. “I don’t know about the country, but this household isn’t a democracy, it’s a gross and evil dictatorship, with the parent holding all the power over the child.”

“Dad!” Stiles whined and pushed himself up into a standing position.

His father patted his shoulder consolingly. “Consider this: when you’re a successful person one day, you can write about your horrible and oppressive childhood in your biography. It will be a real tear-jerker.”

 _At least he has faith in me,_ Stiles noted bitterly. He really, really wanted to cry. “This is not funny. I’m not working during my last high school summer break,” he spat angrily like a little child.

His dad just shook his head. “This really isn’t open for discussion, son. I’ve made up my mind.”

Stiles opened his mouth even before he came up with anything to say, just to protest or whine or _whatever_ but his dad didn’t give him the chance. “You’re not going to talk yourself out of this one,” he finished the argument before it even really started and dumped all the pieces of paper he had been holding into Stiles’ lap.

Cutout job ads.

Jesus. Stiles’ life really was a joke.

“Oh my god, dad! Nobody looks at the newspaper anymore! Didn’t these ads die in the nineties?” he asked, but the room was empty save for him and his crushed dreams.

~~~~~

Just because it was summer, it didn’t mean Derek had an excuse to let himself go. Other kids might use the next two months to slack off and party, but Derek was an athlete and a very serious one at that. This summer, his sole focus was remaining in tip top shape for baseball, and he wasn’t about to let anything or anyone distract him from that.

Not every teenager could say they had their own world class gym and batting cage in the basement of their family’s mansion. Which was why Derek tried never to take anything for granted. He’d been born with a silver spoon in his mouth, his mother a successful politician, but he was a hard worker and all the accomplishments he’d achieved in sports, he’d done by himself. And so it only made sense that he poured that work ethic into the gym.

Fridays were leg day, and Derek might’ve overdone it a little because he could barely stand, he was so exhausted. He literally had to crawl up the stairs from the basement, the towel slung around his neck sopping in sweat as he’d yet to catch his breath. And what was the rest of his family doing on this wonderfully productive Friday evening? Lazing out on the couch, eating junk food and playing card games while Derek kicked butt in the gym. It was like he was the only one in this family that always got shit done.

He winced as he entered the room, greeted by Laura’s shrill laughter. “What are you guys playing?” he asked, blotting at the sweat on his forehead as he looked down at the coffee table. “Whist? Gin? Crazy Eights?”

“Ew no, grandpa.” Laura wrinkled her nose at him. “It’s Cards Against Humanity. Look.”

She held up two cards, and Derek leaned over to read whatever stupid brain eroding game they’d found to play. He had no time for this sort of foolery, but when he did play cards, his only worthy match was his grandmother, Nana Hale. Derek read the black card first, which said ‘In the new Disney Channel original movie, Hannah Montana struggles with BLANK for the first time.’ Then read the other white cards that said, ‘Snorting coke off a clown’s boner’, ‘Scrotum Tickling’, and the last one so vile, Derek couldn’t even disclose.

“What the hell! Mom?!” Derek said incredulously since his mother was playing too. “You people are disgusting!”

The living room erupted in laughter while Derek’s cheeks burned, embarrassed of his family tree. Thankfully, their butler, Paul, walked into the room, and no one in the family was better or purer than Paul.

“Paul, did my signed 1958 Duke Snider baseball card come in the mail yet?” He’d won it in an eBay auction last week, feeding into his competitive nature to expand his prized sports memorabilia collection.

“No, sir,” Paul said as he refilled drinks. “But don’t worry, I’ve been on the lookout.”

“What about my cheese of the month?” Derek asked. “Has my Beaufort D’ete arrived?”

“Not yet, I’m afraid. I know how excited you get about your cheeses.” Paul winked, struggling to hide a smile.

“Beaufort D’ete,” Laura tested out in a horrible French accent, picking up one of the black cards from the stack. “In 1,000 years, when paper money is but a distant memory, Beaufort D’ete will be our currency!”

Cora and his mom burst into a fit of giggles, and Derek closed his eyes, dreaming of the day he’d be adopted into a mature, sane family.

“Could you not debase one of the more impressive traditional raw milk fromages with your stupid card game. This isn’t some cheap Pont-l’Évêque that you eat with wheat thins. This is a forty-five dollars a pound exquisite delight that can only be enjoyed with crispy firehook crackers and pickled smorkra!”

He was heaving by the end of his rant, glaring at Laura, her mouth forming a perfect O as she gaped back at him. His hand dug into the pocket of his gym shorts, already seeing it coming.

“JAR!”

Derek sighed, crossing the room to the douchebag jar and shoved a bill into the already stuffed full container. Laura had stolen the idea from some TV show, using all of Derek’s snob moments to collect money for charity. “Twenty enough?”

“For now,” Laura hummed then picked up another black card. “This month’s Cosmo: Spice up your sex life by bringing Pont-l’Évêque into the bedroom.”

His mom and sister were snickering again, and he even saw Paul trying to maintain a straight face. He wished people would show a little respect for his cheese addiction.

“Paul, could you have one of the maids prepare my post-workout Epsom salt soak, please.”

“Of course, sir,” Paul said, bowing his head slightly as he left. The second he was gone, Derek wanted to call him back. Laura was smiling dangerously at him, and it’d been established long ago that part of Paul’s active butler duties was to help Derek get rid of Laura permanently.

“So baby brother,” Laura started, “got any exciting plans for the summer?”

Derek shrugged. “Ms. Blake gave us a pretty long summer reading list, and I can never practice too much for baseball.”

“Oh god, what a snoozefest!” Cora said from the floor, dropping her head down on the coffee table and pretending to fall asleep before she perked back up. “I heard Erica’s throwing a small get-together tonight. You should go. And also take me!”

Sweet little annoying pain in the ass Cora would be a freshman at Derek’s high school in the fall. And instead of being worried about academics, all she cared about was her social life. Derek’s own popularity had been an accident and came with its fair share of pros and cons, but he wasn’t about to let the baby of the family go to some rave.

“Erica’s small get togethers are never small,” Derek told her, “nor do they offer any worthy intellectual conversation as it is a bunch of sweaty teenagers ruled by carnal lust and “hooking up” culture humping and gyrating all over a sticky dance floor that smells like stale watered down Budweiser and bargain bin vodka.”

He grimaced as he thought about that one time he was stuck watching Isaac, Erica, and Jackson basically have a threesome on the dance floor at her sixteenth birthday party. None of them remembered the incident, amnesia via Svedka Vodka, but it was something that would be engrained in Derek’s head forever.

“Bargain bin vodka?” Cora repeated slowly, clearly missing the point of his educational lecture. “JAR!”

Derek sighed, going back over to the shelf, sour about losing another ten dollars to something that had formerly held the sweetness of strawberry jam.

“You should go,” Laura said. “Maybe you might meet someone.”

“Meet someone how?”

“Don’t play dumb, Derek. Don’t you want to find someone? You’re always complaining about being lonely.”

Derek scoffed. “ _I’m_ always complaining about being lonely? More like you’re always complaining about me being lonely when I’m not lonely. You’re the one that’s lonely and desperate with multiple profiles on dating sites.”

“Be nice to me or I’m making you a fake profile on Grindr,” Laura cautioned.

Derek rolled his eyes. "Go back to Yale already.”

“Mom, I think it’s time we gave Derek some chores. Knock him down a peg or two.”

“Well, we do need someone to take care of the pool now that Lorenzo is leaving,” Talia said.

Laura pumped a fist in the air in victory as Derek’s jaw dropped and his eyes bugged out of his head. His mother couldn’t actually be implying that he do chores. It wasn’t like he was incapable of cleaning up after himself. He cleaned every once in and helped out whenever he was asked to. But Derek had a lot going on for him right now. He had baseball workouts and a strict schedule already mapped out. What if he hurt himself? He wasn’t about to get a career ending injury trying to fish a water beetle out the deep end.

“But if I were to give Derek chores it would only be fair that I give some to you as well,” Talia went on. “I think I spoil you kids too much. I’m sure your gel manicure could withstand washing a sinkful of dishes, Laura.”

“I- uh- no- We don’t need that,” Laura said shakily, and this time, it was Derek’s turn to look smug.

“I’m going to miss Lorenzo and his glass eye,” Cora said morosely.

“I will too, sweetie.” Talia smoothed a hand over her hair. “But I’ve already put an ad out in the paper for someone new.”

“The paper?!” Derek looked at his mother as if she had two heads. “You’re just going to hire any old stranger that responds to a newspaper ad. Printed medium advertising is dead. It’s been massacred by the digital information age where every woman, man, and child has access to an internet press. If we needed new staff, we could’ve gotten them through a reputable employment agency that only screens candidates with impressive CVs and a minimum two years’ experience!”

“Oh, Derek, honey,” Talia sighed. “…JAR!”

“Mom!”

“I’m sorry. I love you very much, but sometimes I understand what your sisters mean.”

Laura hopped up from the couch and held out her hand, tapping her foot impatiently. “You heard her. Jar.”

Derek ground his teeth, forking over the cash. He had no allies in his own home. Even his own mother couldn’t be trusted.

“Two years of experience isn’t required for cleaning pools. I’m sure whoever I find will fit in great,” Talia said.

“Well, Lorenzo’s only leaving because he’s retiring, so good luck finding anyone under the age of 65 in the newspaper.”

Derek turned on his heels and stormed off, sure his bath must be ready by now and needing to wash off the stress of this conversation. The burden of being the only person in his family to understand the importance of certain things was too vast. So, he would leave them to discover the consequences on their own. Whoever they found had better be adequate for the job. After all, Derek had _extremely_ high standards.

~~~~~

Stiles would never admit it out loud in case his traitor of a father heard him, but he was really excited about getting this job for multiple reasons. First and foremost, he didn’t think pool boys actually existed outside pornos, even though it made sense that rich people hired poor souls like him to clean their pools. Maybe there would be a few hot college girls lazing around while he’s doing his job all sexy and half-naked, and who knows where things would lead after that…

Becoming the pool boy of one of Beacon Hill’s upper crust elites could lead to lots of fortuitous opportunities for a boy like Stiles. He could see himself doing his dad proud, and finding a rich old sugar daddy that would fund his college tuition for the next four years. All he actually knew about rich people was from what he saw on Gossip Girl, and he wasn’t sure he could be into a world of so much backstabbing and bitch slapping.

He’d never really been to the nice part of Beacon Hills, so for his first day he would dress up a little. Instead of going for the superhero t-shirts that morning, he did a faux tuxedo one instead that way his new boss understood how serious and dedicated he was to serving the pools of his community.

The house he pulled up to was _massive_. As he drove up to the neighborhood, he started to question if he was even still in Beacon Hills. He looked down at his GPS to check the zipcode, and sure enough it was the same five digits as the humble shack he and his dad lived in.

He drove towards the driveway, and the gate opened as he made his way up to the house. He got out of the jeep, the door slamming behind him, and observed the beauty of the architecture and landscape. Stiles was about to meet the royal family of Beacon Hills, and he was doing it in a stupid tuxedo t-shirt. What was even his life. Understandably, he was nervous just standing in front of the door trying to work up the nerve to raise his hand and ring the bell.

When he did, he got the shock of a lifetime when a freaking _butler_ opened the door for him. Alfred fucking Pennyworth was opening doors for guests like it was so common.

“Stiles Stilinski?” Alfred asked and he couldn’t even form words, so he just nodded. “Ms Hale is waiting for you. Follow me,” he gestured and led Stiles through the house.

The house from the inside was even more gorgeous and impressive than it first seemed to be when he has been standing outside. Alfred made him sit in a massive lounge area to wait for Ms Hale, and he couldn’t stop gaping.

“Stiles?” a gorgous middle-aged woman, who could only be Talia Hale, entered the room.

“Yes! I am. Stiles. Hi, Ms. Hale,” he said in a rush. “I mean um. Good morning, my lady?”

She laughed. “Please, just call me Talia. If you'll just follow me this way.”

Stiles followed her obediently. “Really nice place you got here Ms Hale.”

“Why thank you, Stiles. But just Talia is fine.”

The house wasn’t just nice, it was magnificent. It needed to be on the cover of Architectural Digest. There was no way real people actually lived here. The ceilings were high like a church with glossy wood finish and engravements. Each room spanned the size of a mini-banquet hall. There was art and sculptures everywhere, and him being Stiles, of course, caught his toe on something and face planted, sprawled out right in front of Ms. Hale’s designer shoes. He got up quickly but the mortification haunted him for days.

“So,” Talia said when they were seated in the garden not too far away from the pool.

“Right. I guess we should discuss important pool boy stuff, huh?”

“Pool cleaning service,” she corrected.

Stiles nodded. “Exactly, ma'am.”

She sighed deeply and _oh my god Talia Hale already hates you, good job_ , _Stiles, real good job_. “Okay, so you will have to come twice a week, on Monday and Thursday mornings and clean both pools and the hot tub. Also, if we have a garden party I will notify you a week before and you’ll have to pop in on the morning before the party too. Is that okay?”

Okay, hold on, what? “You have multiple pools? As in, more than one pool? Where do you even put all those pools?” Stiles asked in disbelief. He loved his dad, he truly did, but why was he born into the wrong family?

Talia smirked and decided to ignore him, not a very surprising thing when it came to Stiles. “Our former pool cleaner, Lorenzo, is retiring, but he will show you all the ins and outs of the job before he goes. You can also call him with any problems you have,” she continued. “So, one of the pools is inside and one is outside, and you will have to do some extra work with that one, because of the sunlight and the leaves. But he will tell you everything you need to know in the first two weeks. I’ll show you around before he arrives but first let’s just discuss –“

Something – or most likely someone – splashed into the pool with high velocity, making Stiles jump while Talia just tutted, clearly annoyed with whoever that person was. Stiles noticed the end of a waterslide that started somewhere up on the second floor of the house – _seriously_ – and arrived to the far end of the pool.

The body that just splashed inside was still swimming under the surface of the water, heading towards where they were sitting. Stiles suspected it’s one of Talia’s three children she mentioned, even though he imagined them as toddlers for some reason.

But lord help him, that Greek god emerging from the pool is definitely not a toddler.

His broad shoulders were something worth dying for, and even though Stiles couldn’t see his face because of the wet mop of hair hanging into it, he was sure the guy’s features were gorgeous too. He pushed himself up on the side of the pool and Stiles had to hold back a whimper – water dripping down on his chiseled abs, his strong arms flexing as he pushed himself up, his ridiculous white swimming trunks indecently see-through (not that Stiles was complaining). He grabbed a towel and started to rub his dark hair with it, obviously not noticing that he had an audience.

“Aw, fuck me,” Stiles groaned, barely registering the scandalized look Talia threw him.

He finally stopped rubbing his hair and turned in their direction and – _shit_.

“Hi, Derek,” he squeaked. How did he not realize before that goddamn Hale was this hot!?

Derek froze and gave him his famous death stare for a long second. “Stilinski,” he grunted then turned to his mom. “What’s he doing here?”

“I hired him to take care of the pool now that Lorenzo’s leaving. Just for the summer, since he’s still a high school student,” she informed Derek. “You two must know each other, then,” she added with a cheerful smile.

Derek continued glaring at Stiles. “Yeah. He’s on the baseball team.”

“Oh really? You play baseball, Stiles?”

Stiles grimaced. “Err. Something like that…” _if warming the bench counts_ , he added mentally.

Derek pulled out a chair and sat down on it, his glare never letting up. “You’ve got any experience, Stilinski?” he asked, crossing his arms in front of his chest. Asshole.

“Uh, what?” Stiles replied dumbly, not even understanding where this conversation suddenly went.

“Experience? You got any?” Derek repeated impatiently.

Stiles took a deep breath because _rude_. “Um, well there was kind of this one time with my friend Heather but it didn’t work out because we didn’t have any condoms and as you know from health class, safe sex is really important, so no experience there. Honestly, I don’t know why I’m telling you any of this. It’s kind of rude for you to go around asking people if they’ve got experience. Take a boy out to dinner first, would ya,” he finally cut off his rambling. He could see Derek’s face turning completely red and Talia’s shoulders shake with silent laughter.

“Cleaning pools! Do you have any experience _cleaning pools_!” Derek all but yelled.

This time, it was Stiles’ turn to blush. “Oh um.” He cleared his throat. “Then no to that too.”

Derek scoffed and stood up. “Mom, we are not a charity. I can’t believe you would hire someone like _him_ ,” he said and stormed into the house, disappearing as quickly as he came.

Stiles totally didn’t stare at his ass. He didn’t, because Derek is a douchebag. (His swimming trunks are still see-through, though.)

~~~~~

It was a dark omen. A curse. A damnation from the heavens. A lesson in why Derek should never let his mother do anything without consulting him ever again. Ever!

He’d been blindsided. Stiles Stilinski being hired as the new pool boy was something he hadn’t seen coming. This was probably a dream, and by dream, he meant certified nightmare! It was one thing to randomly run into acquaintances from school over the summer, but it was another thing entirely to have an acquaintance from school be a worker in your family’s home for an extended amount of time. He felt violated. Like his safe haven had been stolen, and all because he’d lapsed for once in his awful micromanaging habit. Lord knows, he would never do that again.

And hell, maybe he wouldn’t care as much if it’d been someone else from high school, but this was Stilinski. He was the very definition of carelessness and irresponsibility. He didn’t understand how his mother could’ve missed that. Derek would’ve been able to spot it even if they hadn’t been on the same baseball team, and he didn’t know of Stiles’ constant lateness to practice, his terrible attention span, or his ability to put himself and others at grave risk of danger on a daily basis. He was clumsy and spastic. He talked too much. He got distracted easily. All red flags of why he was the worst person for the job. It would be a miracle if Stiles didn’t end up in a full body cast by the end of the summer.

Derek watched him from the window of the kitchen now, glowering at him even though Stiles wouldn’t be able to see. After storming into the house, he had immediately wanted to go back outside and make sure Stiles knew what the hell he was doing. Obviously, Derek was the only one who could do anything right, and leaving Stiles’ basic training to his mother and Lorenzo would only end with him being dissatisfied.

However, there was the major problem of Derek not being able to stay in Stiles’ company for long without wanting to strangle him. Even their brief encounter outside, Stiles had been unnecessarily irritating, and Derek couldn’t figure out if that was just him, or if he did it on purpose to get on Derek’s nerves. Like Stiles telling him that he was a virgin, purposely playing dumb when Derek asked him if he’d cleaned pools before. Derek could’ve deduced for himself that Stiles was a virgin. Derek was a virgin too, but at least he had the chance to get laid in the future. The same couldn’t be said about Stiles.

Derek grabbed himself a glass of cold water, needing to calm his blood pressure since stress wasn’t conducive to his health. He was starting doing yoga that week but would be scheduling more sessions due to this catastrophe. His routine regimen was at risk. Swimming was considered a total body workout, and he swam at a certain time every day. Lorenzo was always careful not to interfere with Derek’s flow. How would Stilinski know he was inconveniencing Derek’s timetable when he couldn’t even decipher basic conversation cues, failing to get the hint when people didn’t want to talk with him?

More dread arrived when he saw Stiles with an Aqua Broom in his hand, waving it around in the air like it was a lightsaber. He dropped his head into his hands when Stiles smacked himself in the face and proceeded to bleed profusely from his nose. This had offset his whole morning. He was supposed to be in the hot tub right now, drinking his morning protein shake as it was ‘All About Them Gains.’ But now the start of his day had gone array.

Stiles’ nose was bleeding a lot now. Derek could see his t-shirt was dotted with red droplets and wondered why Stiles didn’t travel with his own personal first aid kit as he was clearly someone that needed emergency medical supplies at all times. Stiles yanked off his t-shirt, using it as a rag to stop the blood, which Derek thought was plain dumb because now he’d be going home shirtless with all his moles and pale skin exposed. His lean body glistening in the sun, sweat dripping down his chest, catching on the trail of hair leading towards his pelvis as his khakis hung low around his hips, waistband of his briefs showing on top of his pert round ass. Who knew Stilinski was the sort to wear Calvin Klein underwear. Fruit of the Loom seemed more his MO.

…but yeah, that would be embarrassing for him to have to go home like that, and Derek was not going to loan him a shirt.

“Ah, Mr. Hale.” Derek jumped as Carla, the family’s chef, entered the kitchen and spoke to him. “Did you want me to make you anything this morning, sir?”

“Uh… no. I’m fine,” Derek stuttered, then looked down at the empty cup in his hand and pulled open the dishwasher. “I’m just here to put away my glass.”

“Right…” Carla said then awkward silence. Derek is painfully aware that he’s never touched the dishwasher before. “So… will you still want your usual lunch at 1:30?”

“I-I don’t know.” Derek frowned deeply, peering back out the window at Stiles, still holding his shirt to his nose while he paced around the pool. “I guess my whole schedule’s a little off today.”

~~~~~

“That’s not how you do it, Mr. Stilinski!” Lorenzo told him for what seemed like the hundredth time in the past hour alone. No matter what he attempted to do, he did everything wrong, bringing shame to all pool boys around the world.

“It’s fine, I get it now! I can do it myself!”

“The last time you said that both of us ended inside the pool,” Lorenzo noted.

“Yes, yes, but I’ve learned since then! Now let me-” yelling cuts him off as two girls, obviously Derek’s infamous sisters, run out of the house.

“Lorenzo! Lorenzo, tell Laura to leave me alone!” the youngest one yelped and ran over to them, trying her best to hide behind him.

“Lorenzo, Cora stole my new Givenchy dress! She’s the devil!” Laura hollered but Stiles could see the smile ghosting at the corners of her lips. “Push her into the pool! She deserves it!”

“Girls, girls, don’t argue!” Lorenzo told them and patted Cora’s head affectionately. “You, give your sister back her dress and Laura, stop chasing her around the pool. She’ll slip on the wet stone and crack her skull,” he chastised them. “Now, let me help Stiles. I promise I’ll come in and chat with you girls after we’re done here.”

Both Laura and Cora looked at Stiles.

“So you’re the one and only,” Laura said, looking him up and down with a smirk. “This time, I can’t even say Derek has bad taste.”

“What are you talking about?” Stiles asked.

“Oh, nothing, just how our brother can’t seem to shut up about you all week,” Cora added with glee.

“Stupid Stilinski!” they barked at the same time then dramatically collapsed in a fit of giggles.

“You’re gonna be my new best friend, Stiles!” Laura uttered between wheezes of laughter.

He leaned closer to Lorenzo. “Do you have any idea what they’re talking about?”

He shrugged his shoulders then told him to finally get back to work. 

~~~~~

Old Lorenzo had finally retired his position, leaving the Hales after a decade of great service. They threw him a party on his last day, inviting his husband and getting him a huge cake and a bottle of wine. They brought him a nice gift and made sure he knew that even though he wasn’t working for them anymore, he would still be a member of the family and was welcome anytime. Derek might’ve even teared up a little when Lorenzo gave an amazing thank you speech at the end of the party. He hadn’t realized how much he’d miss him until his mom had hired Stiles.

It wasn’t likely that he’d ever get used to Stiles actually being their pool boy. But he had to admit, Stiles hadn’t done too terribly for his first week, granted he’d been under Lorenzo’s tutelage. He did overflow the pool once, leaving the hose in for too long and failing to check the pH balance of the water before adding more in. He also freaked out the day he had to scoop out a dead bird, shrieking a ton, then giving it a funeral ceremony where he gave the longest eulogy on Earth as Derek struggled to sound him out while laying out on the recliner.

Still, Derek didn’t have much to complain about. The water was crystal clear during his morning laps and it didn’t taste funky or make his skin turn different colors. Stiles didn’t talk to him much which he was thankful for. He’d stop and chat with Laura and Cora, and his mom, and even Paul, but not Derek. It didn’t bother him. Stiles just worked at his house, it didn’t mean they were friends. But if Stiles _wanted_ to talk to him, it wasn’t like Derek would snub him. He couldn’t think of what he and Stiles could have in common, but there was no reason to avoid each other. Things between them could be pleasant. Derek could be polite sometimes. Maybe he should let Stiles know so he would stop ignoring him and dashing away as soon as they greeted each other. Not like Derek really wanted to talk to him or anything.

Stiles wasn’t expected to come in on that day, so Derek figured he’d spend his afternoon relaxing and laying out by the pool in a way he hadn’t been able to with Stiles was present. He lounged in one of the recliners, his body slathered in suntan oil and his eyes closed as his tanning board reflected sun rays onto his face. Derek didn’t tan often since he wasn’t trying to end up an Oompa Loompa, but when he did, he did so in the apparel that was best to minimize tan lines. Taking a page from the Europeans, although, it was somewhat controversial.

“Meep!”

He cracked an eye open at the sound, thinking nothing of it and crediting it to the afternoon atmosphere. But then he heard a crash that was concerning and opened his eyes, halting when he saw Stiles standing at the backyard gate, his gaze pinned on one thing. Stiles Stilinski had just caught Derek tanning in his backyard while wearing a black speedo. Derek wanted to die of embarrassment.

“Stilinski!” Derek crossed his arms over his crotch and frantically grabbed his towel. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“It’s Friday,” Stiles squeaked, his body stiff as he walked over. He cleared his throat. “Payday. Um…what was it…er that you were doing?”

“That’s none of your damn business!” Derek snapped. “You know we have a front door. Paul would’ve let you in.”

“Well, I’m an employee,” Stiles said, “so I use the staff entrance. Besides, Ask Jeeves doesn’t like me all that much.”

“Gee, I wonder why!” Derek snarled then started to collect all the things he dropped when Stiles had barged in. He was bending over to pick up his tanning oil bottle which was expensive and imported from Italy when he heard the tell-tale sound of a camera shutter. “What the fuck are you doing!!”

Derek stormed up and snatched the phone out of his hand. No way in hell was he letting Stiles snap a picture of him like this and spread it through the school. Stiles had shrunk away from him, shaking as Derek loomed over him.

“Pokémon Go,” Stiles said faintly. “There was a jiggly puff right there on your…” Stiles turned bright red, “where you were standing.”

He sighed, handing Stiles back his phone which he took, hands trembling as he slid it back into his pocket. Derek grabbed his towel and wrapped it around his hips, ears pink and unable to meet Stiles’ eye after all that had transpired.

“Stiles!”

They each let out a deep sigh of relief when Talia appeared out in the yard from inside, totally unaware that she’d rescued the two of them from a horrendous moment of bizarre tension.

“Perfect timing,” Talia smiled as she walked over to them, her flip flops clacking against the pavement with an envelope in her hand. “I was just on my way to our sauna. Here’s your check for this week with a little bonus. I’m not around much since I’m so busy working but I can see that you’ve done a great job with the pool.”

“Thanks, Mrs. Hale,” Stiles gave her a pinched smile, his face such a deep shade of red, Derek thought it could almost be called magenta. Stiles laughed nervously. “I guess I’m just a raw talent.”

He looked over at Derek and promptly stopped smiling as he started to fidget. Derek put on his Ray Bans so he could hide his eyes. He wasn’t ashamed of his black speedo or his body. He’d done nothing wrong by tanning in his own yard. Stiles who was the trespasser here, and he didn’t feel sorry if Stiles was uncomfortable. But there was no doubt that Stiles would probably dodge him even more after this. Derek didn’t care. If they never spoke again, it’d be fine with him.

“Um, I should be going now,” Stiles said, briefly looking at Derek again as he chewed on his bottom lip. “Yeah, so bye, Derek! See you, Mrs. Hale!”

One second, Stiles was there and then he wasn’t. Stiles didn’t even move that fast on the baseball field. But apparently seeing Derek in a speedo made him a track star. If he had to blame anyone for this incident, it would have to be his own mother. This was all her fault. From hiring Stiles to asking him to come here when Derek was sunbathing, she was getting lower and lower on his list of favorite people.

He scowled at her. “Seriously? You couldn’t set up direct deposit?”

“Honey, you know I’m not good with new aged technology things.”

“Well next time at least make him use the front door!” Derek shouted. “This is a total invasion of my privacy. I can’t even relax and sunbathe in our backyard without some stranger waltzing in.”

“You never cared when Lorenzo saw you laying out by the pool in your speedo.”

“Lorenzo wasn’t a stranger!”

“Stiles will be working for us for a while, so I suggest you get used to him being around,” Talia scolded. “I know how much you hate change but Stiles has been a great employee and you have to stop giving him a hard time.”

Derek refused to hear a word of what she said. She was a Judas. His biggest betrayer to date. He’d go online and win a new mom in an eBay auction. He was great at winning those. He jumped into the pool, crossing his arms and legs as he sank to the pool floor, not caring when he heard her call him a brat. The cold water felt marvelous against his mortified face.

~~~~~

As predicted, after the speedo incident, Stiles couldn’t stand the sight of him. He must’ve told Laura and Cora the story because they giggled whenever Derek so much as looked at Stiles in front of them. Derek didn’t know what to do about it, and he didn’t know if he even cared enough to try. But he wanted nothing more than for them to move past this and go back to how things were before.

He invited his friends over to the pool for the afternoon, because Laura and Cora kept teasing him about how he didn’t have any when they knew damn well that he did. Erica, Isaac, and Boyd showed up in their swim clothes, diving right into the pool while Stiles was still cleaning it. Stiles glared at him as if he was the dick and it was his fault that his friends had no manners. He stomped off with the leaf skimmer towards the shed, and really Stiles shouldn’t be mad that he got to get off early for the day. It wasn’t like his mom would pay him differently, and she gave Stiles an added bonus each week.

Stiles came out of the shed, scowling at him _again_ , and seriously, there was no winning here. His friends splashed around in the pool like morons, Isaac floated hesitantly as he held onto the edge of the pool because he couldn’t swim and panicked whenever someone tried to teach him. They moved to the hot tube after some time passed and Paul made them drinks. As an upstanding and responsible butler, Paul would never serve liquor to underage minors, and yet all the drinks he made ended up spiked with whiskey thanks to Erica’s handy dandy flask.

They were all talking and relaxing in the afternoon sun, sipping on their beverages or as Derek called them ‘empty calories’, when his mom came outside. She was all smiles as she waved, dragging a reluctant Stiles by the arm behind her. Stiles’ mouth was moving as he spoke fast and profusely shook his head but it didn’t do much. Derek knew his mom and she didn’t let go of prisoners easily.

“Derek, you never told me Stilinski got hot,” Erica murmured as Stiles and his mom headed their way.

“Erica!” Derek hissed

“What?” Erica said, playing innocent. “You should’ve told me the real reason you haven’t been able to stop talking about him. I fully understand. Isn’t he hot, babe?”

She turned to Boyd who furrowed his brows. “What is the correct answer here?”

She grinned and reached over and pinched his cheeks, cooing, “This is why I love you.”

Isaac shrugged. “Eh, not really my type but I support you, Derek.”

“Isaac!”

Why did everyone think he was attracted to Stilinski? Laura and Cora were also somehow under that impression. But Derek did not see Stiles like that. He didn’t think about Stiles in any capacity whatsoever. And he absolutely did not daydream about the way Stiles’ lean muscles rippled as he handled the leaf skimmer or how his ass looked when he bent over to use the vacuum hose. Nope, he hadn’t had thoughts like that at all.

“Maybe Stilinski’s not your type, Isaac, but he’s best friends with the hot girl, Scott McCall, who you totally want to drizzle whip cream and chocolate syrup all over and clean him up with your tongue, and—”

“Finish that sentence, and I will end you,” Isaac threatened, a Pina Colada umbrella his choice of murder weapon.”

“Having fun kids?” Talia and Stiles stood in front of them now, his mother’s smile too sweet and out of character.

His friends all nodded and said hello. They’d always thought his mom was so cool and funny even though she was neither of those things. She and Erica bonded the most, which was worrisome. Derek looked behind Talia to Stiles, who was still struggling to get his arm back from his mom’s clutches. Stiles had probably underestimated Talia’s strength because he wasn’t getting that arm back until she decided to let it go.

“Mom, aren’t you supposed to be in the office today,” Derek asked, trying to help Stiles in a way who looked like he was in pain and Talia’s fingers were starting to give him a bruise.

“No, I don’t. But I just thought I’d check on you guys, because as you are all aware I’m a mother that cares,” She said, giving them the famous Talia Hale politician grin. “Now, do you all know Stiles?”

She hauled Stiles forward and presented him to everyone like he was a prize-winning cattle. “Stiles here is our new pool boy, and he’s been doing such a remarkable job, that I thought he deserved a nice afternoon of adolescent fun and relaxation. Stiles is lots of fun, so I’m sure you’re all happy to let Stiles hang out with you.”

“I really can’t stay,” Stiles spoke up. “I should go home and make dinner for my dad, and I wouldn’t want to intrude.”

“Nonsense,” Talia scoffed. “Stiles is welcome to join you and your friends right, Derek?”

She hadn’t said his name in a nice way at all, but he got the gist that she wanted him to invite Stiles and that he wasn’t allowed to say no. He sighed. “Wanna stay, Stilinski?”

“Um.” Stiles chewed his lip and shifted from side to side, looking away from Derek and towards the rest of the group.

“Come on, Stiles,” Erica beckoned him over. “It’ll be fun!”

“Oh, okay then. Let me just text my dad,” Stiles said and tentatively set his things down onto one of the chairs. He pulled out his phone and typed a quick message, still reserved. It was almost like he was shy or insecure which Derek had never seen from him before.

“Have fun now!” Talia called, waving as she traipsed away. That woman was a piece of work.

It actually wasn’t all that bad having Stilinski hang out with him and his friends. Stiles warmed up to everyone pretty quickly and became fast friends with Erica who was hanging off him as she poured drinks down his throat and telling him how cute he was until Boyd started to get jealous. Derek lightened up a little and had a few drinks, although he knew he was going to regret it in the gym the next morning.

As they got tipsier, Isaac started asking Stiles questions about Scott, and his relationship status, and if his hair was really as soft as it looked. Stiles told him it felt like silk and that Scott used amazing conditioner. He also gave Isaac Scott’s number and assured him that Scott would totally be into him if he made a move. Isaac ran off to shoot Scott some texts, and Erica and Boyd were pretty much having sex on a pool float, which left just him and Stiles.

“Guess it’s getting late,” Stiles hiccupped. “I should go.”

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Derek told him and found it cute when Stiles hiccupped again. “Plus, I think you should sober up a little. I’ll get one of our drivers to take you back home if you need.”

“No, you’re right.” Stiles settled back down. “Drinking and driving is so not cool.”

A breathy moan came from the pool where Erica and Boyd were making out along with some audibly loud panting and, nope, Derek couldn’t stay here anymore. He stood, grabbing Stiles’ wrist and pulling him up, leading them into the house.

“Disinfect the hell out of that pool before you go please.”

Stiles grimaced. “So gross. I don’t like what they’re doing inside my baby.”

“Your baby?”

“Yes, my baby,” Stiles said with another drunk hiccup. “I gave my soul to that pool. It’s a part of me now, and they’re defiling it.”

“It’s better that you know now that my friends have no boundaries,” Derek said. “They didn’t mean to be rude earlier when they jumped in while you were cleaning the pool. They’re just awful self-absorbed people who don’t comprehend basic courtesy.”

Stiles laughed. “Why are you friends with them then?”

“Because you are who your friends are,” Derek drawled, letting go of Stiles’ arm as they got into the house. It was late and most of the lights were off. He led them to the kitchen and went to the fridge grabbing a bottle of water and handing it to Stiles. It would take a while for him to sober up, and Derek wasn’t all that good with entertaining people on his own or coming up with things to talk about. But this was Stiles and he always managed to find something to talk about.

“Your house is nuts, dude,” Stiles said after he’d drunk the water. His hiccups were gone and he was moving around the kitchen, taking everything in. “Must’ve been a lot of fun growing up in a place like this.”

“Um, want a house tour?” Derek asked, scratching the back of his neck.

Maybe a house tour wasn’t the best idea. He didn’t want to seem like he was bragging or some kind of douchebag for all the things he was fortunate to have. Being a douche came too easy for him, clearly evident by the jar that was kept in the living room for his antics. He could show Stiles the jar. He’d probably get a kick out of it.

“That’d be awesome,” Stiles said. “But please make sure I don’t get lost.”

Derek chuckled and took his hand without thinking about the intimacy of it. But Stiles didn’t mind, clasping his hand around Derek’s and following him as he went from room to room. Stiles did love the jar. He laughed about it for a good five minutes and thought it was a genius mechanism for someone like him. Derek scowled and went on a small tirade about monetary embezzlement. Stiles made him put five dollars in the jar.

~~~~~

Being the team captain of Beacon Hills High School’s baseball team came with a lot of annoying responsibilities. Like having to host parties at his house. Derek didn’t understand what eating mountains of junk food and clowning around had to do with making sure the team was on the right track to bringing their hometown glory. But it was something that was expected of him, so he did it because he had to.

Over the years, he'd come to realize that he didn’t relate all that much to the popular jock that were his teammates. He was close to a few people on the team like Danny who was always had on his friendly, dimpled smile, but guys like Jackson and Aiden were the ones he didn’t get at all. Still, for them to be a great team, everyone had to at least attempt to get along.

“Look, honey!” Derek looked up at the sound of his mother’s voice and saw Paul carrying a tower of pizza boxes. Just the necessary amount for a giant group of teenage boys. “I ordered you and your little friends some pizza.”

“Really, mom? Pizza from a pizzeria? When we have a chef and a functioning brick oven?”

Talia huffed. “I’m sure your friends don’t care where the pizza came from, dear. Just that it’s good. Right, guys?”

The rest of the guys all cheered and bumbled ravenously towards the tables where Paul was setting out the boxes. Derek wasn’t going to eat yet. Not every member of the Beacon Hills HS baseball team was here yet, and as team captain, he should probably wait for them.

“Waiting for Stiles?” His mom asked. Derek paused and glanced over at her, already knowing that the look on her face would be smug. “He said he wouldn’t be able to make it.”

“Oh.” Derek rocked back on his heels. Stiles never did come to these things since he wasn’t close to anyone on the team, but Derek figured since they’d been cool for a week and Stiles was always over anyway, he might as well stop by. He understood why Stiles wouldn’t show.

“Luckily, I was able to convince him to come,” Talia said belatedly with a wicked grin. “You know it’s impossible to say no to me.”

Stiles walked through the gates of the backyard then, already wearing his swim trunks. To say he looked uncomfortable…wasn’t saying enough. Derek groaned because Talia Hale shouldn’t be allowed to do this to people. Most adults taught kids to fight back peer pressure, but all his mom did was use it to her advantage.

“Stiles!” Talia beamed, rushing forward to give him a quick hug. “Derek was just asking me when you’d show.”

“No, I wasn’t,” Derek said quickly, his ears turning pink. “You didn’t need to come.”

“Um, yeah, I did,” Stiles said then hissed, “Have you met your mom?”

Talia talked as if she hadn’t heard them. “Stiles, did you see that there’s pizza? And later we’ll have some games. I even hired my younger brother, Peter, to be an Elmo impersonator.”

Derek snorted.

“Remember, you have to stay for at least an hour, Stiles,” Talia said, “or I’ll find you and drag you back here myself. Now go let loose!”

His mom did a rawr-rawr cheer like she was back in her ancient high school cheerleading days to show team spirit then did a high kick before sashaying away.

“I should apologize for her.” Derek turned to Stiles, shaking his head. His mother was too old to be meddling into high school teenage affairs.

“Nah, your mom’s super cool,” Stiles said with a soft smile. “The women in your family are very strong. Kind of like the way my mom was.”

Derek chuckled at that. The whole school had known about Stiles’ mom when she passed while they were in the eighth grade. But it made sense that Claudia Stilinski had to be strong-willed to tame Stiles’ wild antics.

“What’s up, Stiles!” Danny called from the top of the waterslide. He smiled and shot Stiles two thumbs up before zooming down the slide and into the pool. The rest of the team didn’t look as happy to see Stiles, though.

As team captain, he felt like he should flex his authority a little and make the guys show more of a welcome for their fellow teammate. But that would take too much socializing from Derek, and he’d wanted this party to be over an hour ago. From what he’d seen when his mother hosted parties, she always offered to get her guest a drink, so he assumed he’d have to do that too. Which was annoying because guests had arms and legs and could go get their damned drinks themselves.

“Um, I’m going to go get you a drink.” Derek pointed towards the bar

“Oh, okay,” Stiles said, looking around nervously when Derek walked away.

Derek got all the way around the yard to the bar before he realized he forgot to ask Stiles what he wanted. If he had to hazard a guess, he’d think Stiles would want to drink something that had tons of sugar, and colors, and maybe silly straws. But a good host would stomp back around the yard and growl politely at their lovely house guest as to inquire what they would like to drink. At least that’s what he’d seen portrayed in Beauty & the Beast.

Jackson, Aiden, and some of the other guys had started talking to Stiles, and Derek wasn’t sure if that was a good or bad thing. Either way, Derek wasn’t about to interfere. He just hoped everyone would mellow out and start hosting their damned selves.

“I didn’t ask what you wanted to drink,” Derek said when he got to Stiles. He waited for Stiles to say something and grumped when he didn’t, “Well, what do you want to drink?”

“Um, a virgin strawberry daiquiri,” Stiles said then his face dropped, turning bright red when all the other guys started laughing for some reason. “Never mind. I don’t want anything.”

“No, I’ll get you your drink,” Derek said, once again ready to embark on the long trek around the yard when Stiles stopped him.

“Er, can I come with you?”

Derek furrowed his brows. “Why? It’s a long walk. Just stay here and eat or something or whatever else people do at these things.”

He walked back around the yard, pausing to ask a couple of people if they were okay or if they needed anything because he saw his mom do that a lot too. He wasn’t like he was actually going to help them if they did end up saying yes, but it gave others the impression that he was courteous. Stiles’ drink was made, and he carefully picked it up so it wouldn’t spill then went off to find him.

Stiles was still in the same spot, head down as he stared at the ground. He wasn’t having fun. Not the same kind of fun he was having the other day with Erica, Isaac, and Boyd. And Derek didn’t know how to fix it. He blew a long stream of air and held out the drink to Stiles who took it without looking at him at him.

“How’s it taste, fruit?” Jackson jeered. “Virgin like you?”

The whole team hooted and hollered at Jackson’s stupid joke, and everyone looked at Derek waiting for him to join in. So he laughed, doing it only because he had to, not because he actually wanted to laugh or anything.

~~~~~

“Where do you think you’re going?”

It was Derek of course, standing a few steps behind him.

“Home,” Stiles replied and tried to do his best to act as offended as possible.

Not that it was hard to pretend, since the whole baseball team had been subtly and then not-so subtly insulting him since he showed up. Jackson was especially in his element today – Stiles suspected it had something to do with Lydia breaking up with him when summer started. Jackson never forgave him for having a crush on her.

“No, you can’t go yet,” Derek said, and it filled Stiles with warmth. Maybe Derek Hale did have a heart after all.

“My mom would absolutely kill me if you left the party after only being here for an hour. She told me to make sure you have fun, so go back out there and _have some_.”

Stiles gaped at him, not wanting to believe his ears. “You can’t do anything to stop me and keep me here. I’ve had enough,” he exclaimed as he finished tying his shoelaces and shoved his flip-flops into his bag. “Shit, I left my shirt outside,” he murmured to himself as he realized and swept past Derek towards the backyard, the other boy hot on his heels.

“You’ve had enough? Of what exactly, if I may ask?” Derek asked way too loudly.

“ _Of what exactly?_ ” Stiles repeated incredulously. “Of your idiot teammates treating me like crap! What did I ever do to them?”

He slid the glass door open and stormed outside.

Derek scoffed and kept stalking after him. “My teammates? More like our teammates.”

Stiles sighed as he kept looking for his shirt, probably discarded on one of the recliners beside the pool. “I’m not really considered to be on the team and you know it. Now either help me find my shirt or fuck off.”

“That’s not my fault! You don’t even try. We’ve been on the same team for three years now and I don’t think I’ve ever even see you hit a ball or even _run_ during practice.”

He turned around to yell at the asshole and that was the exact moment when Derek found his ridiculous blue-orange striped tee. He pinched it in between two fingers and extended his arm over the pool so the shirt was dangling above the water. Stiles couldn’t help but notice how the team started paying attention to their ridiculous argument as they all quieted down.

“It’s not your business what I do during practice, Hale,” Stiles gritted out. “Now give it here.”

“I’m team captain in case you haven’t gotten the memo, so actually it is my business. And I won’t give it to you unless you promise to stay until my mom gets back. I don’t want to listen to her telling me off for a week just because you decided to get offended.”

“It’s not like anybody wants me here!” he yelled at Derek as he took a step forward, their noses just a couple of inches apart. “Maybe if the team captain cared about how the teammates treat each other, people would be motivated to actually play!”

“It’s not my problem that you are unable to get along with anyone who isn’t McCall,” Derek retorted.

Stiles gritted his teeth, leaned forward until they were almost touching, never taking his eyes off Derek. He slowly raised his hands, gently placed them on his chest, took a deep breath – then pushed.

As he heard Danny hollering and saw Derek spluttering in the freshly cleaned pool, Stiles wasn’t even sorry about not getting his shirt back. He turned around and finally went home, this time with a smile on his face.

~~~~~

The next time Derek saw Jackson, he was going to kick the bastard right in the balls. Ever since Stiles shoved him in the pool at the party, his life had become a living hell. A demon came to clean his pool in the mornings. His sisters found it absolutely hilarious how Stiles was treating him now. Derek wanted to kick them in the balls too if they had them. He wanted to kick everybody in the fucking balls.

If it were any other pool boy beside Stiles, who his mom _loved_ and refused to hear a bad word about, their asses would totally be canned by now. Stiles’ behavior had become incredibly unprofessional and inappropriate, and yet no one came to Derek’s rescue. He complained to his mom who just brushed it off and called it Stiles being a ‘jokester’ and that Derek needed to lighten up. He complained to Erica who called it a lovers’ quarrel and recommended they try couple’s therapy. And he didn’t bother complaining to Laura and Cora cause all they did was cackle in his face.

And what was it that Stiles was doing that was driving him so insane? Well, there was the constant dumping of wet leaves on Derek’s face as he snoozed in the sun. Also, the accidently aiming cold water from the hose on him while filling the pool. And the splashing. He was constantly being splashed with water. From every angle. Derek _did not_ sign up for this!

He deserved some damn sympathy from his family. His mother had brought Stiles into their lives, and now Stiles transformed into this monster, and she needed to do something about it. Reign the beast in and protect the son she’d actually given birth to. Nothing had been relaxing about his summer so far and all of this was distracting him from practicing baseball. If his game was off and he was the ‘shit captain’ that Stiles had told him he was, then Derek wasn’t going to improve with all this going on.

Now, he started laying out by the pool directly next to his sisters, because Stiles wouldn’t dare splash them and risk their wrath. It was peaceful for a bit, and Stiles had more or less left him alone. Until today when in the middle of his nap a giant pool noodle fell from the sky and slapped Derek across the face. And there was only so much one man could take. Derek was putting an end to this.

“Hey! My net!” Stiles cried as Derek tossed the thing into the pool.

Grabbing Stiles by the back of his collar, he marched them towards the shed, kicking the door open then slamming it behind them. It was hot and stuffy and there was a possibility that they could die from lack of oxygen, but Derek had things he’d like to say before then.

“What the fuck, dude.” Stiles threw Derek’s hands off him then shoved his chest, making Derek stumble back.

Derek just got right back in his face. “Did you honestly think you could just keep dumping things on me without pissing me off!”

“They were all accidents!”

“Oh, really? Well, being careless isn’t exactly ideal in this line of work,” Derek snarled. “People are trusting you to clean their pools! Not to harass them with flying pool noodles!”

“You’ve really gotta chill,” Stiles chuckled, lifting a hand towards Derek’s face but Derek smacked it away. “What? You’ve got a leaf in your hair.”

“This has to stop,” Derek said, ripping the crumpled leaf from his hair.

“What has to stop?” Stiles asked, pulling a straight face.

“You terrorizing me while I’m relaxing out at my own pool! It has to stop!”

“Or what?” Stiles cocked his head and took a step closer despite them already being incredibly close.

“I’ll convince my mom to fire you and you’ll be out of here faster than you know it.”

“Oh yeah?” Stiles laughed, amber eyes sparkling at the thrill of a dare. “You’re so full of shit, you know that?”

“You’ll see how full of shit I am when you’re packing your bags and hauling ass out of here.”

“I don’t even have bags.”

“It’s a figure of speech!” Derek cried.

Stiles licked his lips and leaned in close, his voice low and steady. “I don’t like how you’re threatening me.”

“There’s no threat,” Derek told him, his eyes tracking the movement as Stiles’ tongue peeked out of his mouth, wetting his lips. “This is just facts. Keep this up, Stilinski, and you’re done. It’s already the middle of summer, so it’s too late for you to find a job that will hire you now.”

“You’re crazy if you think I’m scared of you in any way.”

They were nose to nose in this tiny sweltering shed, bodies pressed close and brushing up against each other. Derek kept staring at Stiles’ mouth. He hated how much he liked Stiles’ mouth. It talked too much and its tongue was too sharp, but for a minute of temporary insanity, Derek wanted to lean in and kiss that mouth. See if it was as bitter as all the insults it spewed.

“I wouldn’t test me if I were you,” Derek warned, his heated gaze holding onto Stiles’.

He watched Stiles’ Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed, not backing down. There was barely any space between them. He could feel Stiles’ breath blow against him as he inhaled and exhaled and sense how much tension Derek’s words had brought to Stiles’ limbs. Derek would get through to him one way or another.

Suddenly, the shed door banged open and they jumped apart as Cora walked in with flippers and a snorkel on, holding Stiles’ net. “What are you guys doing?” She asked, snorkel piece still in her mouth and muffling her words. “I got your net back for you, Stiles.”

“Thanks,” Stiles smiled at her then scowled over at Derek. “Some people have to get back to work.”

Derek stared after him, saw Stiles’ head held high atop his broad shoulders and knew this wasn’t the end of this. But if Stiles wanted war, they could have war.

“What?” Derek frowned at Cora who’d been smirking at him.

“Oh, nothing,” Cora sung then waddled away.

~~~~~

If you pointed a gun at Stiles’ head and forced him to say something positive about Derek, it would definitely be that he absolutely adores his grandma.

Teresa – or, as more commonly referred to, Nana – Hale was a lively, cheerful and kind old lady and all his children and grandchildren loved her, but it was obvious that Derek was her biggest fan. The way he kissed her cheek when she arrived and never left her side for more than a few minutes, how he drank in every word of her stories was a clear proof of that.

(Not that Stiles was looking or listening in or anything. And he definitely didn’t find it adorable. Not at all. Derek Hale can shove his precious baseball bat up his ass and go to hell for all he cares.)

“Stiles, honey!” Talia came over to him with a smile once he was done with his cleaning duties. “Would you care to join us? We’re having a little barbeque and I see that you’re finished. I don’t want to send you home with an empty stomach.”

Stiles smiled back at her and shook his head. “No thank you, Ms Hale. I don’t want to intrude.”

Cora ran over to him and grabbed his hand excitedly.

“Come on, you intruder, the chicken and the hot dogs are ready and dad is making the steak right now! Derek’s going to eat it all if we don’t hurry up!

Derek heard his name being mentioned and looked over his shoulder as he was telling a story to Nana Hale and one of his cousins. When he saw Cora tugging Stiles by the hand towards the grill, he scowled. Stiles decided he won’t be the bigger person this time either and after quickly checking that Talia wasn’t looking, he stuck out his tongue at Derek. Ha.

He put some meat and salad on his plate absentmindedly, as Cora demanded he come over immediately to introduce himself to all of their aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents.

It was a little overwhelming, but the Hale family was lovely and welcoming (even the creepy Uncle Peter, in all honesty). However, things took an interesting turn when Cora practically pushed him into Derek’s arms and then ran off.

“And who is this young man, Derek?” Nana Hale smiled at him and Derek opened his mouth to say something but nothing came out.

Well, well. Seemed like it was Stiles’ moment to shine.

“Shnookums, haven’t you told your family about me yet?” he asked Derek in a syrupy sweet tone. “I’m his boyfriend,” he smiled at Nana Hale then proceeded to take her hand and kiss the back of it. “Stiles Stilinski.”

Nana Hale _giggled_.

That made the whole family look over.

“Derek, why didn’t you say so? I can’t believe this! My baby’s first boyfriend!” she squeals excitedly and wraps them both up in a hug. “I’m so happy for you two! Come on, boys, come on, tell me how you two met!”

At this point, Stiles could still probably say something to save their asses, but Derek sighed and took his hand – gripping it way too aggressively, ouch – and then Talia and Peter came over, Cora murmured something to Laura that sounded way too much like _I told you so,_ and Stiles realized there was no way out of this right now.

“Play along, asshole,” Derek whispered in his ear lovingly and Stiles squeezed his hand.

Whatever. He’ll fake break up with his fake boyfriend tomorrow.

Derek can go to hell.

~~~~~

  
“Are you insane!”

They crashed into the kitchen with Stiles still cracking up from laughter about his stupid little prank. Derek pushed him towards the pantry where they’d be safe from prying ears and glared when Stiles still wasn’t done laughing.

“Dude, relax,” Stiles snorted, wiping tears from his eyes. “It’s just a joke.”

“You just told my entire extended family that we’re dating!”

“I mean yeah, but only because you’re an asshole who threatened my livelihood.”

“Your livelihood?” Derek raised a brow.

“Yes. My livelihood as a pool boy! A.K.A my one true calling in life! How the hell am I ever supposed to become a pool man if I’ve got you standing in the way!”

“It’s not like I could actually convince my mom to fire you!” Derek huffed. “Laura and Cora would kill me! And at this point, I think my mom likes you better than me! Which is exactly the problem.”

Stiles frowned. “It’s a problem that the people in your life like me?”

“Yes! Because you’re the worst!” Derek roared enough to make Stiles actually flinch. He pulled at his hair then pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to get control over his temper. “Did you not see them out there gushing and looking excited for me? I’ve never been with anyone or brought anyone home before.”

“But…I thought…. You and Kate?” Stiles said slowly. “She’s always talking about how big your dick is and how good you are in bed.”

“Ew, no.” Derek grimaced. “I’ve never been with Kate Argent. That was just a bunch of rumors. I’ve never been with anyone.”

“Oh,” Stiles said, surprised. He seemed remorseful for the ugly prank he’d played. Derek’s whole family had been ecstatic for them, their responses so genuine despite this being all fake. “So, then do you have a small dick?”

“What?” Derek stared at him incredulously. This is what Stiles comes up with instead of apologizing. How hard was it to utter the words I’m sorry and I was an insensitive jackass?

“Kate did all that bragging but she never saw your dick. So that must mean your dick is small.”

“How…?” Deductive reasoning would be no help to anyone here. Stiles’ brain needed to be cut out of his head, dissected, and studied.

“You haven’t denied it, and I’ve seen you in a speedo lazing out by the pool.”

God, why did the speedo thing have to haunt him forever?

“My dick is not small!!”

He’d said that loud. Too loud. Because he could hear laughter coming from the kitchen and recognized it as Laura’s. They walked out, blushing as Laura grinned at them excitedly.

“Am I interrupting something?”

“No,” Stiles said.

“Yes,” Derek answered.

He froze as Stiles’ arm came to hang around his shoulders, their hips pressed closely together. Derek cautiously put his arm around Stiles’ waist, hooking his thumb on the belt loops of his jeans. From Laura’s point of view, it probably looked like they were really together. Stiles fit well in his arms, and he fit well in Stiles’.

“Just a friendly lover’s spat is all,” Stiles said, making up an excuse for them.

“About Derek’s penis size…?” Laura brows raised.

“I’m just trying to help your brother understand that I love and accept him for who he is. Micropenis and all.”

He snuggled his face into the curve of Derek’s neck and dropped a quick kiss on his collarbone that had Derek’s heart pounding in his chest. He didn’t even care that Stiles just told his sister that he had a micropenis. Having Stiles this close to him, being able to smell his scent and feel his warmth made something stir inside him.

“ _Damn,_ Stilinski!” Laura gave him a fist bump. “If you think Derek’s small, then you really are a champ. I mean you must be used to a lot of monster cocks because—”

“EW! Laura” Derek choked, his face caught fire.

“C’mon, Derek. It’s not like we’re the Targaryens.” Laura rolled her eyes. “Fine, see if I defend you for anything again.”

She stuck her tongue out and left, and they were alone in the middle of his kitchen and still touching, and amazingly Derek didn’t want to let go. He did though because it was weird, and if Stiles knew that his touch gave Derek butterflies, he’d probably torture him about it for weeks.

“This is a disaster.” Derek sagged against the counter.

“No, it’s not,” Stiles said, putting a comforting hand on his shoulder. “We can just go out there and tell them it was a prank. I’m sure they’ll laugh. I mean, just the idea of you and me together is kind of hilarious. There’s no way anyone could actually believe that we...dude, you okay?”

“It’s just…” Derek stood hunched over and pale, wobbling on his feet. “My Nana. Oh god, my Nana! She’s been sick. Really sick. And all she wants is for me to be happy and find someone, and if she knew all of this was a lie, she’ll probably die from a heart attack! The doctors…the doctors said not to do anything that would alarm her. She doesn’t have much longer to live!”

Stiles’ eyes were wide like saucers. “Oh, my god! Do they know what’s wrong? I’m so sorry! It was really just a stupid prank! I didn’t mean for it to hurt anyone!”

“Yeah, well it did!” Derek shook his head morosely, so close to tears. “You just killed my Nana, Stiles Stilinski.”

Wringing his hands, Stiles opened and closed his mouth a bunch of times at a loss of what to say. He bit his lip, looking like the guilt was eating him alive. Such an appropriate face for a grandmother killer.

Derek busted out laughing. “You should see the look on your face!”

“Oh, you sick fuck!” Stiles kicked him in the knee. “Who the fuck jokes about their grandmother dying! I almost felt bad for you, you dick! There’s no way in hell I’m going to help you now!”

There was no way Derek was letting either of them leave this kitchen until they got some things cleared up. He yanked Stiles back as he tried to leave and held up a stern finger towards him.

“You made this mess and you’re going to help me clean it up,” Derek told him. “My nana will outlive us all but my mom is going to kill me if she finds out about this. So here’s what we’re gonna do. There’s not much time left before school starts up again, so we’re gonna act like this is real for a while, then we’re gonna break up just as the back to school sale shopping starts up, got it? That way no one can think this is anything other than a summer fling.”

“And what if I say no and just quit my job,” Stiles posed. “Leave you to deal with the fallout all by yourself?”

“You need the money and my mom would never let you quit just like she’d never fire you.”

“Then I want a raise,” Stiles said. “There’s no way I’m doing this for free. I want something out of this too.”

“Fine. I’ll convince my mom to give my boyfriend a raise. I’m sure it won’t be that hard even though you have one of the easiest jobs in the world and really don’t need to get paid that much to fish out leaves from a pool and change the filters.”

“What I’m really getting paid for is to deal with you,” Stiles sneered. “So, if you cough up the cash, I’ll do this but don’t think I come cheap.”

“Please, you’d do this for a pack of bagel bites.”

“Have you tried the cheese, sausage, and pepperoni! They’re delicious!”

“Whatever.” Derek no longer wanted to continue this conversation, so it was time he took his leave.

“Later, snookums!” Stiles called.

“I’m already regretting this.” Derek sighed.

~~~~~

Fake dating Stiles Stilinski was just as awful as it sounded. Stiles was a touchy feely person in general, but he exploited this whole phoney relationship thing to molest Derek in broad daylight in front of his family. Stiles would run his long fingers down Derek’s abs, wrap his arms around Derek’s waist and force a hug, smacking his ass multiple times as he walked by just that day alone. He was lying if he said that Stiles’ touch had no effect on him. Just the slightest brush of his hand in his hair had Derek shuddering and leaning into his grasp. He should probably talk to Stiles about that, tell him to stop objectifying him while his relatives were present, but he wasn’t in a hurry to have it stop.

There was one major qualification Derek had always said the people he wanted to date would have to pass, and that was meeting the approval of Nana Hale. Stiles got that in abundance. Derek’s grandmother loved him and kept gushing about how cute they were together and how happy she was that Derek caught himself such a looker. Stiles played it up, getting Nana Hale to tell him all of Derek’s embarrassing childhood stories and show him naked baby pictures that Derek could’ve sworn he’d had burned.

Not even Laura and Cora were let in on the secret that this was all a ruse. He thought there was nothing worse than when his sisters cackled when Stiles found all sorts of ways to humiliate Derek. But he was disgusted to hear them “Aww” every time he and Stiles so much as looked at each other. Derek honestly couldn’t wait for it to all to end, and yet he secretly hoped the end would take its time getting there.

“You’re gonna need to work on that swing some more, babe!” Stiles yelled as Derek did a few rounds of practice in his batting cage.

Stiles kept up the pretenses even when no one was around, casually calling him pet names and flirting shamelessly, and just being an all-around menace. But now it was Derek’s time to practice and clear his head of all noise and distraction as he worked on his swing. However, Stiles’ first and last name was noise and distraction, so Derek should’ve known he’d get no peace, not even in his own sacred sanctuary.

The machine spat out another ball as Derek was rolling his eyes, and Derek barely had time to swing but still managed to send the ball flying in the air, a loud crack echoing as it hit off his bat.

“Timing is everything, sweet cheeks!”

Derek drowned him out, eyes locked on his target as he zeroed in on the opening of the ball machine. He was known for his laser focus. Anarchy could erupt at one of the games or there could be the fricken zombie apocalypse, and Derek wouldn’t move a muscle. He’d remained locked in and loaded, ready to hustle out on the field. He would just need to pretend that Stiles was never born.

This time when the ball came his way, he was ready. He detected the course of the ball early on, steadied his stance, his body tense in all the proper places and lifted his elbow a few inches. Derek’s flung into the swing, the bat roaring as it connected to the ball and sent it sailing in the opposite direction. A beautiful line drive over two. He looked over at Stiles for any comments.

“That was sad, man,” Stiles sighed. “Just plain said. You should try switching to golf.”

“Are you kidding me?” Derek scowled.

“Don’t get like that, tushkins,” Stiles pouted. “All I want is to see my man become a big strong MLB pro. If only he would keep his weight off his toes.”

Derek snarled. “I am going to smash your head with a—HOLY! OH FUCK!”

He dropped down at the first hit, almost blacking out from the pain as he heard Stiles’ frantic cries. If those were the last words he would ever hear, he wanted a do-over on life as a whole. Get a chance to a some of his poor life decisions. The main one being the day he decided to make Stiles his pretend significant other.

“Oh my god, babe! Are you okay!”

Stiles was in there with him, dropping to his knees and scooping Derek’s head into his lap as he called out for help. Derek would’ve told him that this was the 21st century and that Stiles had a fucking smartphone so he didn’t need to shriek like a banshee. But Derek didn’t have the strength to talk. He was in too much pain. He’d taken a baseball to the nuts and life was quickly ebbing away. But before he went, he had one last thing to say,

“Stiles…don’t….ouch…call…me…babe!”

A curtain of black descended as he lost consciousness, and Derek was gone from the world.

When he came to, the first thing he smelled was the pungent cough-inducing perfume of his beloved grandmother that could wake any man from the dead.

“I think he’s still kicking,” Nana Hale croaked. “Although, that was quite a mean one he took to his manhood. I say we ought to call the doctor in case he needs penis plastic surgery.”

“Penis plastic surgery? Is that a thing?” Stiles gasped then wailed falling onto Derek’s chest. “Oh, babe! This was all my fault.”

“Stiles, what the fuck,” Derek barked, bucking Stiles off of him. “I thought I told you with my dying breath to stop calling me ridiculous pet names!”

“You’re alive,” Stiles cried grabbing Derek’s face and peppering it with kisses until Derek actually thought he might barf.

He tried to sit up then screamed out from the sharp pain. “AH! OH MY GOD!”

“We put an ice pack on it,” Stiles said, easing him back down onto the couch and smoothing his hair from his face. “I’m really sorry, dude. What happened to you today was one of the worst crimes in all humanity. Let my love heal you now!”

“Stiles, I swear to god!”

“I can kiss it better!”

“Stiles, my grandmother is standing right there!”

“This is an innocent kiss with magical healing properties!”

“Don’t you think you’ve done enough damage today!”

“But babe—”

“I swear on everything on earth if you call me babe one more time—”

“Babe!”

“Ah, young love,” Nana Hale sighed as the two of them continued to bicker.

~~~~~

Stiles couldn’t have been a more cliché teenager if he tried.

He had been lying on his bed in his dark room for what seemed like hours, contemplating life and summer and first crushes when his dad knocked on his door. He grunted something in his pillow that his dad took as permission to come in.

He sat down next to him on the bed. “Teenage life’s kicking your ass, son?”

Stiles nods into his pillow then turns his head on the side so his words won’t be muffled. “Worst summer ever.”

His dad sighs. “Is it about that Hale boy?”

“Maybe,” he shrugs.

“You know, I never really bought this whole dating Derek thing, but that doesn’t mean I can’t see how much you actually care about him.”

 _I hate him_ , Stiles wants to reply but he simply can’t.

Instead, he groans and sits up. “Ugh, dad, I hate it when you try to talk about my emotions.”

His dad stands up and raises his hands in retreat. “Okay.”

He changed quickly and thought about how there were only two weeks until summer ended – that’s nothing at all. It’s going to pass in a second and there’s nothing he can do about it. Stiles contemplated what he would write about when his teachers asked him how he spent his summer. ‘Well, I’d done the adult thing and gotten myself a good job and a super hot boyfriend,’ he thought …’even though the boyfriend was fake.’

Spending the summer with the Hales, Stiles had felt like he’d grown up a lot, and he’d come to love being around Derek’s family. Nana Hale had even forced Derek to let Stiles drive the Camaro a week ago, despite Derek’s adamant refusal and fear of what Stiles would do to his precious baby.

He’d come to love hanging around Derek as well. As they maintained the façade of them being together for the last four weeks, the lines started to blur between fiction and reality. Stiles found himself missing Derek when he wasn’t around and didn’t know what would happen now that everything was ending.

There was only one thing left to do, and that was to go back in for  
another workday and then rehearse his very public and very loud breakup-scene  
with his awful adulterous fake boyfriend as they’d agreed upon it.

Stiles hoped that with summer, his stupid feelings would pass too.

And if not, well, he can always shove Derek into pools.

~~~~~

  
Derek couldn’t believe how fast the new school year was approaching. Nothing that he’d wanted to get done this summer had been accomplished. He hadn’t been able to practice much baseball, not since the major injury that had been inflicted to his nether regions. Any impotency he experienced later on in life was one-hundred percent Stiles Stilinski’s fault. Hell, he didn’t even get to go to Cheese Con 2016, and he’d really been looking forward to that.

This summer had certainly been a trip. His mother hiring Stiles, an unfavorable decision at first hadn’t turned out as bad as he thought. Having Stiles, who he used to consider a stranger, invade his pool and a teeny tiny bit of his heart had been a nice change of pace. But now it was time for their short-lived summer romance to come to a halting end.

He was out in the pool house rehearsing the argument that would spark his and Stiles’ bitter separation. He went over his lines, noting key points where he should raise his voice so the rest of his family could hear what a lying cheating scumbag Stiles actually was. Then he’d run to his room in a fit of tears, thus parting from Stiles forever. And if one were to ask why their breakup had to be so goddamned dramatic? Well, it was him and Stiles, and they were nothing without drama.

The door to the pool house opened in the midst of Derek's closed dress rehearsal, and Stiles walked in, the evening sun glowing a bright orange behind him. He waved stiffly, the air awkward between them in a way that it hadn’t been in a long time.

“Hey,” Stiles said, shutting the door behind him  scuffing his sneakers against the floor. “So, are you ready to do this.”

“Yeah,” Derek drawled “About as ready as anyone is to rid themselves of a lying cheater lowlife.”

“Hey.” Stiles frowned. “I thought you were the one that cheated on me?”

“What the hell, Stiles? This is for my family. If I cheated, I would be the pariah forever.”

“They do really like me, don’t they?” Stiles grinned.

“Yeah, they do,” Derek chuckled.

“I bet none of your other boyfriends will ever match up.”

“I’m sure they won’t.”

Stiles’ eyes shimmered and then he frowned. “What if we forgot about this whole breaking up plan and did this for a little while longer then. But forreal. Because I mean, your family would never get over me.”

Derek’s heart stopped and he stared at Stiles, never sure if he was serious or joking. “Um?”

“I like you, Derek,” Stiles sighed. “And I really don’t want to break up from this whole fake thing.”

“Oh.”

“If you’re not interested, I totally understand.” Stiles puffed up his chest. “I’m ready for you to toss me out the door if you want to do so now.”

“No. That’s the last thing I want. I- I like you, too,” Derek stammered.

Stiles beamed, stepping closer. “Well, that’s really good news for your family.”

“Yes, I guess it is.” Derek cleared his throat, ducking his head. “You know, you’re-

“Wonderful? Amazing? Gorgeous?” Stiles posed, slinging his arms around Derek’s neck.

Derek chuckled, looking down towards his lips. “I was going to say great a cleaning pools.”

“We should kiss now,” Stiles hummed, tilting his head back.

“Yeah, I guess we should.”

Kissing Stiles for the first time was supposed to be this wonderfully romantic moment that he would look back on as the highlight of his summer. He brushed a thumb against Stiles' cheek, chest fluttering at that mischevious smile of Stiles' face that was just for him. He wrapped his arms around Stiles' waist, hauling him close until they were pressed together in a way that just felt _right_. 

The only thing left to do now was to lean forward and brush their lips against each other. But just as they were about to, a loud racket came from outside causing them both to wince. Laura and Cora's splashing and screeching weren't exactly the greatest ambiance.

“Oh my god, I am _so_ telling Stiles that you just peed in the pool!” Laura cackled.

Ew. That ruined the mood for sure.

 

“Hey, Derek,” Stiles said, leaning into him again, trying and failing to fight a fit of laughter.

“Yeah?” 

“I think I quit,” Stiles said, snorting as more shrieking and sounds of summer wafted into the pool house.

Derek didn't pay them any mind, not even when it sounded like his sisters were breaking stuff and tearing up the yard. He was far more interesting in the sweet and sour taste of Stiles' beautiful soft lips.

~~~~~

Nothing good ever came of a parental figure being alone in the living room with your boyfriend, Stiles decided.

He didn’t know what to make of the whole thing: a baseball match muted on the TV; his dad and Derek, sitting in the living room, giggling.

Jesus Christ. Did his small town sheriff dad get his goody two shoes underage boyfriend drunk?!

But no, something even more terrifying was happening in the living room.

Sheriff Stilinski was showing Derek baby pictures of Stiles – his chubby cheeks and tiny fists, sucking on various toys, smiling his toothless smiles into the camera, sleeping soundly in his mom’s arms. All of them, scattered around the living room; the match and his dad’s beer forgotten long ago.

“… and on his ninth birthday, he wouldn’t come out of his room for hours because he was-“

“DAD!” Stiles squealed. “Nine-year-old me and you agreed that the events of that day would stay between the two of us.”

“Well that was before you found your other half! Why did you think I kept all these photos, if not to embarrass you when the time comes.”

“And that also was before a certain someone convinced my Nana to expose all my kindergarten secrets to them. Any idea who this person could’ve been, Stiles?” Derek asked with a smirk as he reached for his hand. Stiles let himself be tugged down to the couch next to him as his dad moved on to his terrible, horrible, not-good preteen years.

Hours later, when they managed to sneak away into Stiles’ bedroom, Derek cuddled up behind him and told him that he used to be adorable as a baby.

“Why use past tense though?”

Derek snorted into his neck and Stiles couldn’t stifle his laugh either as he smacked him in retaliation and suddenly, having a summer job didn’t even seem so bad anymore.

(Just don’t tell his dad he said that.)

**Author's Note:**

> Follow us on tumblr! x3
> 
> Derek POV- Written by [jadorehale](http://jadorehale.tumblr.com)  
> Stiles POV- Written by [stiles-stilinskys](http://stiles-stilinskys.tumblr.com)


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